Battle against the Demon Plant

March 1st, 2010 by Shalewind

So this weekend I undertook the task of doing a little yardwork. My father ensured that I assisted in every bit of landscaping, weeding, hedging, etc around our house from age six onward so I came to this task well prepared. I have come to three indisputable facts with this Sunday’s little experience.

1) I require more tools.

2) I would greatly like an indentured servant in the form of a young genetically related lad or lass (any daughter of mine won’t be escaping yard duty).

3) The tree overlooking my deck is not really a tree, shrub, bush, or vine… It is really some demonic incarnation from the deep circles of the underworld.


This thing is pretty enough to look at in the summer, if not a little overgrown. So a little hedging was in order. Yeah, my mistake thinking this would be easy. The infernal plant not only has thorns and slightly toxic sap, but its bark and appendages are like tentacles. They cling to everything and refuse to bend, break, or yield in any fashion. It’s like having thousands of slightly flexible and razor edged dowel rods twisting in some maddening pattern. I was not pleased with the amount of damage I took trying to tame this thing. The worst part is he clean-up. You can’t sack this stuff! It shreds triple layer heavy duty lawn bags – went through eight of them. You see this:


This is not good. This stuff is the reason jungle travel cannot be accomplished with any degree of ease and it lives in my freaking backyard!


Freya desperately wanted to assist me, but alas she would have to observe from her window command post. And whine.


My weapon of choice for this endeavor. $45 at Lowes and well spent. Ash might not be proud, but it is suitable for the task.

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Victory over the demon plant. I cut the hell out of that thing but I have no doubt it will be back in force next spring. This thing is going to be an epic recurring battle – I can see it now. Perhaps I need to invent a myth or legend about it. Many thanks to my loving wife for supply rations and rallying support from the window.

Posted in Homeowner, Main Posts | 1 Comment »

One Response

  1. Matt Says:

    Kill it. Kill it with fire.

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